I feel so angry today. Not your garden-variety, annoyed angry, but tears-stinging-your-eyes-to-get-out-and-want-to-scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-and-break-everyone-else’s-ear-drums angry. Do you ever feel that angry? I’m not sure it has to do with not having your best friend with you any more. It might just be about not being heard, or listened to.
Is this the point at which I give up? Is this where I stop? Can I grow no further than here? Is this all I have…all there is? Am I done? Is it time to “wind down?” Is there nothing more of any significance that I can contribute to the world, or shall I simply continue, a cog in the wheel, until my body fails me and I become yet another burden on everyone younger than I am?
These are the questions I’m asking and the anger I feel. I have applied to an American school for a MBA in Design Strategy. It is the only one in North America. The description reads like I wrote it for myself. But I’m 57 years old. I have more people smiling and nodding politely at me about this than I care to count. I don’t need a Masters degree to make change in the world, but to do it at the level I want to do it — to influence the people I need to influence — a DMBA from California College of the Arts is pretty serious cred. Is it that my friends and loved ones don’t have the capacity to understand what I want to do, or that I am just so delusional that someone needs to slap me upside the head and bring me back down to earth?
I don’t want to die as just another organism that took up oxygen and procreated. I want to be someone who made things a lot better — who saw things more clearly and led others to the light. Ray did that. Is it vain of me to want to do the same?
Losing my Soulmate 
Lifelong learning is nothing to be embarrassed about or to apologize for. I started my first college degree in Fall of 2011 and not because I “need” a degree either, necessarily. However, going back to college (even 19 years after my one and only ill-fated semester at LSU) and actually getting a degree has been a goal I’ve wanted to achieve for a long time. I get one go at my life, so why not do what I want to do with it? Now, that’s not to say that I’m not experiencing some serious burn-out due to balancing school, work and personal life, but I’m glad I’m going for it! You obviously feel something of value in getting the Master’s Degree and that’s all you need to know! Go for it! 🙂
It sounds like your heart already knows what you want to do. 57 is by no means too old to go back to school. Casey, you are an amazing and inspiring instructor (one of the best I’ve ever had). If you think this will add to your arsenal of tools to make you a better teacher/grow as a person—then what are you waiting for? Follow your gut (as scary as it may be sometimes).
I returned to school to study design at age 30. At age 41 I started a two-year part-time certificate program in Applied Holistic Nutrition and I’ll be finishing up in a few months. I agonized over whether or not to do this nutrition program because I thought it was silly to consider changing careers at my age. That still didn’t stop me. And I’m glad it didn’t.
Like Carly, I too have experienced burn out from long stretches of time spent trying to balance a particularly heavy school load with freelance, part-time job, volunteer responsibilities, dog, boy, family and friends. But it has been worth it. I’ve been saying for years that if I won the lottery tomorrow I’d make an occupation of being a student.
Oh, and for what it’s worth, even if you don’t do this degree you won’t die as just another organism that took up oxygen and procreated. You clearly *have* made things better already – I susect your family, friends, colleagues and students would agree. But more important than leading others to the light, remember, you want to lead yourself to the light first.
As an educator, you shouldn’t apologize or second guess the furthering of your own education. Man, who are these people who are being tacitly discouraging anyway?! How do they know what’s right for you?!
Appreciate yourself for the marvel that you are, eager student and all. You are not too old for this. I recommend you stop sharing your dream with the naysayers, surround yourself with supporters and launch that rocket of desire south to Cali. Go for it.
I think you have answered any questions you may have had Casey. Now pack your lunch kit and get to school.
I lost my entire response. Ugh. What I really wanted to get across is that the smiling and nodding is sometimes quiet support and the naysaying is sometimes people playing devils advocate so that you more firmly state your resolve.
Truth is, No One knows if this is what you should do. NO ONE. We are are all on a trajectory of our own making, and our closest connections can only wonder if what we say or not say is the right thing.
We love you and want you to soar. But we hear hesitation, and we mirror that back to you. You are supported in whatever decision you make. You are Casey.
I agree with Libby (no less the others), and would like to add that the Casey I interviewed but 5 months ago had fire. She staked her intentions and put them out into the universe with, as she described, “the fearlessness of a 20-year-old”. You know what you want and you’re far too accomplished and ambitious to let doubt or any ‘naysayer’ stop you now!!