Six weeks, 5 days

The farther away I get from the day I lost Ray, the more images of his face turn me inside out. I want to run my hand over his face and feel his softness, both external and internal. His smile would light everyone up. It changed over the short time in which he declined, but he could still pull a grin up to the last couple of days. That smile came from deep inside him, but it manifested in his beautiful, smiling face.

I wonder if I am just now really feeling that he’s missing. I have known it intellectually, but I think I have denied it emotionally. He’s really gone. He’s not coming back. The desperately ill images are fading and the real ones are coming back into focus. The face that adored me. The face that praised my cooking with a look of rapture. The face that took professional passion to an entirely different plane.

I look at images on Facebook and I’m shocked by how emotional I am now…God I miss that man.

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